My anxiety...

I have lived with anxiety, excessive worry, and depression pretty much throughout my whole life... Ever since I was a toddler to now I was considered very shy by my peers and family/friends... I've always had this overwhelming feeling of worry... It is very hard to deal with... Especially, when I'd play sports I'd get so nervous... I'd be so nervous it felt like I was about to shit my pants or piss my pants... Yet, at the same time I was very serious about getting the job done whatever sport it might be... My anxiety was probably at an all time high, when I'd be out in public... It would worsen the more people I saw... Mainly people I knew, because I never really knew what to say... I had so much anxiety it took the words out of my mouth... I'd be pretty much dumbfounded and lost... The older I got the more anxious I got... By the time we had to take speech class, was a hellish nightmare for me... I never ever wanted to give a speech and to be made to give a speech was the worst thing in the world for me... I'd get the butterfly feelings in my stomach and feel like I had to shit my brains out... The nerves made me get all gassy and uneasy in my stomach and body... At times I'd feel like I could almost cry... It was so embarrassing for me to give speeches... Even if, there were just 4 people in there, I'd still be anxious as holy hell... My anxiety got so bad to the point, it caused me great harm in my social life and heightened my depression... I never wanted to go to school because of my anxiety, and plus I thought school was fucking a waste of time... I think the main reason I got into drugs, was to cope with my anxiety and depression... I'd use drugs to relieve my anxiety... Yet, when I'd be completely sober I'd get so overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety, boredom, and depression... Because I had nothing to help cope with these feelings... So, drugs made my anxiety even worse... It got to the point where I was almost agoraphobic (not wanting to go outside "afraid")... I'd get embarrassed just talking to the employee at a gas station... Well, I could go on and on about my life story with anxiety and what not, but I don't want to bore you all...

laters