My religious upbringing...

Alright, here's the bread and butter about my life with religion involved with it... You see I was raised as a Christian (Catholic)... Well, I was baptized when I was a baby in a Catholic Church... Then from there my family and I would always go to church on Sundays, just like every other regular Christian family... We even went to Sunday School... Which, is total utter crap... Well I didn't actually go to a Christian school at the time.. I went to a public school from pre-school on up to 5th grade... Yet, we still went to church and want not... I was taught to pray every day as well by my parents...

Then came the time my parents sent us to a Catholic school... It was a very small and private school... We left our old public school because my brother (twin) and I were getting bullied by two big and older kids... One of them was a black kid that was a little gangbanger... Plus, I had a couple embarrassing accidents in school... I had pee'd my pants one time in first grade and the other time in 4th grade... So, I got teased about those whole scenarios... I'd hate to go to school because of that.. Well anyways, the time come to move on and become more involved with religion.. Even though we went to a Catholic school, my brother and I still acted like lil' devils... We would go back in the church and drink the red wine... We wouldn't drink to much of it of course... We never got caught doing that... We never did really behave behind the teacher's backs... All the teachers that I was an angel... I had even my friends fooled besides my best friends... My twin and I even looked at porn and would bring porn magazines to show to the other boys..

Well, after grade school we went to another Catholic school... It was a well-respected Christian High School... This is where I got into drugs and so did my twin brother... It was about summer year of our Freshman year... We got high as hell on pot... We didn't start drinking heavily and smoking heavily until our Sophomore year... This went on a good while... Junior year is when I experienced with shrooms and robotussin.. I even tried salvia then as well.. You see we never really paid attention to religion... Our parents weren't really strict.. As long as, we went to church they didn't really care... So, after high school I got into cocoaine... I didn't really do it that much though.. I only did it for a good 20 times or more all year... Then I even dabbled into meth and crack.... This is where I got very paranoid... I wasn't paranoid about religion yet.. More to come on that... It's just my paranoia was more about people looking at me, or thinking they were talking about me... This became very apparent in my life... Pretty much all the time I'd think people were looking at me or talking about me...

Finally, I got off the drugs and moved to Tampa Bay, Florida... My twin brother moved to Tampa too, with his g/f... I needed to get away from my friends and the drugs.. They caused me to much trouble... So, things were going good... I missed my g/f back home though... Then one night I had a terrible experience... The anti-depressants I took made me sick one night... I had a terrible experience where I thought demons were coming after me... I could only see their shadows... I could feel them breathing on my neck... It felt like they were surrounding me and trying to take over my body... This made me finally pray to God once again to save me... You see I gave up prayer, until this happened... I felt that God knew I was a sinner and that's why demons were attacking me.. Finally, they demons gave up trying to take my body over... I beLIEved God had saved me...

So, then I believed I was born again... This made me feel a lot better and more spiritual.. I got more into Religion and actually took it seriously then.. This is when I turned 20... Before than I could give a rat's ass about it... So, I felt bad for leaving my g/f back home... So, I decided that the right thing to do was to go back to her and my family... When I arrived home I was a totally changed person.. I was off the drugs for a good year by now... I was totally way more religious... I was like the karma police... Always pointing out the bad I saw in people and told them they were basically sinners... I was a total hypocrite, yet I didn't see it... I'd even go to the priest and confess my sins... I do that quite a bit... It became so bad, that I would go to the priest quite a bit... I became very scrupulous about my sinning.. I'd think I'd be sinning for the most ridiculous things.. My parents would tell me I'm over analyzing things and I'm not really sinning at all.. Yet, I didn't believe a word they told me... I believed they were more sinners than I was... So, why should I believe them!

So, that went on for a good while... Where I started to beLIEve I was going to go burn in hell... I also, thought my family or friends could go to hell too... This made me totally even more paranoid... The anti-depressants weren't working for squat... The cocoaine I abused had turned me into a paranoid wreck... I would go throughout the day with thoughts of going to hell about 24/7 days a week... I literally got no rest everyday and night... I'd probably only get a good 5 hours a night of sleep... My escape from the emotional pain and baggage of thinking I was going to burn in hell, was only when I'd get some sleep at night... I waited every day and night waiting for the time to come for my sleep... It was definitely a sad case of paranoia and depression... I feared the worst... This went on for a good year and a half.... I also, forgot to mention while this was going on in my life, I was researching about Religion, God, and the afterlife 24/7 days a week as well... I was diagnosed as having an obsessive compulsive disorder... I also, was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder... I became so obsessed with researching it basically, took over my life... Everyone in my family was worried about me... They thought I'd do the unthinkable and killy myself... I was definitely thinking about it... Even though I beLIEved I'd go to hell... I figured what's there to do, I'm going to hell anyways... Since, I was scrupulous I believed the most petty things in life were mortal sins...

Then one night while researching I found some new age stuff that resonated with me... It brought hope and love into my life... Well actually, before that I found the Christian Universalism beliefs... This brought tears to my eyes... They said, we all are saved by the blood of JC... I was so grateful to read those words... Yet, I still had the fear of hell in the back of my mind... So, I still kind of doubted the Salvation for all mankind... So, then I kept on researching and researching... I then stumbled upon the New Age beliefs... This resonated with me really well and sounded more plausible... It kind of went hand and hand with Universalism... Yet, one thing freaked me out... Is that we could manifest our own heaven and hell, by our own beliefs.... Heaven/hell could become real in the next life... So, this totally scared the shit out of me... I worried if, I'd still believe in hell that I would create that, in the afterlife... What also, scared me was creating my own heaven.... I wouldn't want to be stuck in some illusion for eternity... Especially, not an illusion of hell!!! So, that went on for awhile... I was reading all sorts of books... I mainly read the "Conversation with God" books... I also, read some psychic's books like John Edward, Sylvia Brown, and what not... I also, right Dr. Michael Newton's books "Journey of Souls," and "Destiny of Souls." Then I was stuck on these beliefs for awhile...

Until, I realized lots of what the New Age taught were kind of false promises... I couldn't believe why a loving God, would let us suffer... The whole karma thing sounded absurd as well... Also, the fact that a loving God would let people create their own hell by fearing it... Why wouldn't a loving God let people go to heaven with just him... Also, the whole ascension thing sounded ridiculous... So, I did some more researching and stumbled upon Advaita Vedanta (non-duality)... This seemed to make more sense... Yet, some of it was still based on false teachings of enlightenment... I didn't get the whole thing about us being God, than why do we need to become enlightened... If, we already are God... So, this struggle went on for a good 3 and a half years... Then I found the Desteni material... It was at first a punch into the go-nads and feeling like someone beat the fuck out me... I denied most of it at first... I mean some of it I agreed with... I guess more than half of it resonated with me at first....But to say it felt good realizing you are just a robot would be a LIE... I was so stunned and pissed off at life... Especially, Anu for enslaving us... I would ask other people about the Desteni material, and they'd all curse it basically... So, I'd be a little refreshed about that and say yea it's just bull shit probably... Then one day it just hit me and I realized these people are probably telling us the deep down real shit about life... Everything Sunette talked about in the video, just seemed more and more plausible each time I watched the videos... So, my journey finally stopped at a screeching halt... I have been a Destinan(LOL) since this past July...

Thank you!




more to come