I am still not being honest with myself... That is with my thoughts and judgments about other people and myself... I still resort to name calling in my mind's eye about the people I see on t.v... I still resort to judging them on they way people look and act... I even judge myself from time to time... I definitely judge people mainly on the television shows I watch... Especially, on reality shows... I see these people as robots... I am still experiencing separation in all forms of my being... In my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, opinions, and judgments... I even have thoughts come in my head of what people are probably thinking or saying in their own minds about myself... I am deceiving my own self by the silliest ways possible... I still feel alienated around others... I feel uncomfortable in social situations, where I have to speak out... I hate feeling obligated to do small talk and be social to people I know are fake... There it goes my judgment of others once again... I know I'm not saint... I use to believe that I was though... When I was ignorant and religious... I do still compare myself to others and see myself as more superior and what not... These thoughts I have are playing out in front of me in and endless time loop... I keep moving forward than backwards... I looked at porn again .... That was just a half hour ago... I seem to be making no progress and keep on making excuses...
More to come...
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