Addiction to porn...

I've been struggling with my addiction to porn ever since, I was probably around the ripe age of 9-10... That was when I was first introduced to porn... One day I was browsing through all the channels on my parent's t.v. and happened to find a porn channel...You must keep in mind I had no intention of finding a porn channel or even imagining such a channel would be on the t.v... So, I was shocked and amazed at the same time... I was watching it very intently and not really grossed out like probably most kids my age would have been... I remember getting aroused and I began to masturbate... I just rubbed away basically... I never you could do such a thing to yourself, and get something where you'd cum... So, this was new and foreign to me... I managed to cum after a good 10 minutes or so... So, ever since that day whenever my parents weren't around, I'd change it to that porn channel and masturbate... This went on for years and years... When the internet came into place in our household, that was even more convient for me to look at porn... So, I'd be looking at porn on a daily basis... The only time I really stopped looking at porn , was when I was a "devout" Christian... I believed porn was considered a terrible thing to look at and a moral sin... So, the longest I went without porn was probably a good 6 months... I questions Christianity and gave it up... So, I began looking at porn once again... So, from the day I was 9 up until my age of 23, I have looked at porn quite a bit in my life time... I am not saying I have an addiction, so I can't do anything about it... I'm not blaming this on addictions of the past... I can change it... It's just I keep on making excuses on why I should look at porn... I say or there's nothing wrong with it and it's not harming anyone blah blah blah... I noticed I'm not being really serious in my process... Since, I keep losing myself in porn from time to time... The longest I've gone with out it , since my process was only like a month.... So, I need to step up to the plate and make the best of my process... I can't blame it on the past and how I was basically thrown into porn with no true understanding of what porn is or what it will do to your mind... I can't blame it on those older kid's that showed me porn magazines either... Even though they indoctrinated me into the whole porn thing, I shouldn't blame them... I could of said no I don't want to look at the porn magazines...

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to struggle with porn for so many years... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for my porn addiction... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so immensed within porn.... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch porn at such a young age... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not conquer my porn addiction... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become sexually attracted to women from just looking at them... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself keep my porn addiction as secret...