I got a call from this older lady, who is somewhat of a friend... I met her through her daughter... The daughter of her is still somewhat of a friend of mine... She asked me why I haven't seen her in awhile... She said she also missed me... I said I don't know why I haven't seen you in awhile... I've just really been hanging out with my one friend "D." Which, I really could care less if, I see her and I said back that I miss her too... Which is a complete utter lie... I mean she's a nice lady, but she's a big time alcoholic and can be quite annoying and repeats the same stuff over and over again and again... So, back to the story... She asked me if, I'd like to come and see her... I said sure and I'll be there in a little bit... Which, was another lie... I didn't want to go and see her... Because I know she's just going to annoy the fuck out of me... Plus, I knew she was going to want me to drink with her... I'm trying to cut down on my drinking... So, that was another big reason why I didn't want to see her... And if, I wouldn't drink with her she'd be bugging me the whole time... Trying to get me to drink and basically calling me a pussy... So, I did what every other dishonest person would do and just drink along with her and act like I want to be there... I put on my mask to try and act like everythings okay and what not... I even ended up smoking pot with her b/f "J." I was dishonest once again... She was like how I imagined she'd be... She was annoying drunk, dumbfounded, and using foul language the whole time... lol I have nothing against people cussing really, but it just got a little bit annoying... Besides all of that nonsense, I actually had a good time... I stayed and drank with them for a good 2 and half hours... I drank very slowly... I didn't want to get buzzed... The only really bad point that happened was, when she told me the one cat had kittens and the kittens ended up all dying... Since, they never knew she was pregnant and kept the kittens in their closet... So, they would shut the door on them, unknowingly... Which, would cause the kittens to starve to death and become completely dehydrated... So, that made me a bit sad... She kept bringing that story up too... Saying how bad she felt and blah blah blah.... Anyways it was an okay night overall... I get along with her b.f pretty good... So, that was me being dishonest again...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to my friend "S." I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel obligated to go and see her... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest towards her... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to behave differently around her... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel obligated to drink and smoke pot... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself by getting annoyed by her... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge her... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see her and inferior to me... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become dishonest towards myself... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel terrible for their cat that lost all of her kittens... I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad for the dead kittens...
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